Cinema Especiais

The Best and Worst Experiences I Had Going to the Movies!

Every year (not 2020, we don’t count that one), I had experiences throughout my life watching movies. Some were great, others not so great, others heartwarming, others annoying or terrible. Nonetheless, the viewing experiencie should come, at least with some respect, from the fellow movie attendees. Going to the movies costs money, and I love when I spend my money with the right films. They are bad? Oh well… nothing I can do, but when they are bad because your experience is ruined by a third party… well… let’s just let all the rage out!

BEST

Okay, The Descent is that movie that I would strongly advise you to watch in a movie screen. Not possible right now? Well… you should have watched it like I did. Imagine yourself being one of the few people sitting in a room with a loud birthday party behind you, with annoying teenagers screaming and… just being complete idiots, like most teenagers. And in my row, there were just a couple and two dudes sitting mildly relaxed observing the black screen. Now… I was actually watching this movie because Saw III screenroom was full and I was in the mood for some horror. When The Descent started, everything was noisy and the film started as any other film starts: slowly. But when the first JUMP SCARE happened, all the teenagers shut their mouths, the seat rows where shaking constantly as the film kept going, and the people next to me were jumping off of their seats! At one time, a guy asked me if I was okay while JUMPING IN HIS CHAIR WITH FEAR! I mean… WOW! I never got the chance of having another experience like this one… The movie is set almost entirely inside a cave and the room we were in was so incredibly hot, everyone was sweating like hell! By the end of it… everybody left the room, quiet… just thinking WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

WORST

Frightened people going to watch horror movies is the experience I really hate the most. When people are scared they usually try to say jokes out loud, or laugh when they get scared and CAN’T KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT FOR A SECOND! While watching The Nun – the movie itself is a shitstorm – all I can hear were terribly misbehaved teenagers laughing their asses off loud and clear and saying stuff like: “that wasn’t scary” “AHAH, look at that guy”. Ugh, can you PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?! We are trying to watch a movie here… just be quiet and let other people enjoy it, even if the movie is a total wreck, I paid to watch it, so, a little respect!

WORST

Worst than laughing teenagers, THE WORST KIND OF TEENAGERS are the ones that belong to an extremely annoying fanbase. I hated Avengers: Endgame, sorry, I really did. But worst than the movie, were the HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE who just COULDN’T SHUT UP, crying loud and clear, or pretending, I don’t fucking know! “LOOK, IRON MAN JUST DIED!!!” “PLEASE DON’T KILL BLACK WIDOW“. They were SCREAMING as if they were selling fish in the freakin’ market. This time, we had enough and complained to the manager. I still have nightmares with this… I respect fandom, but PLEASE, respect the others who are SITTING THERE TRYING TO HAVE A GREAT CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE!

BEST

One of the best things in my life is going to the movies with my best friend. We have a bond so close that we almost say loud and clear at the same time: LET’S GO WATCH THIS ONE! I am also an Oscars’ buff, and love watching the films before the cerimony to see which ones are the best and more deserving. Clearly I was not expecting liking A Star is Born so much… and worst than that… I forgot to bring the tissues… 15 minutes in… I was crying so hard. The songs, the atmosphere… I don’t know. I loved the movie and found it so engaging and heartbreaking. Will never forget this experience…

3. A Star is Born

BEST

There are few movies that surprise me when going to watch it in the big screen, but one of them was one of the most joyous experiences I had in a long time. I am talking about 2016’s version of The Jungle Book. It was astonishing! I was constantly saying to my friend, when the break came, that “WOW, I wasn’t expecting this AT ALL“. It’s just not a very good adaptation, it is a contemporary masterpiece, with stunning visuals and the most beautiful cinematic animals I have ever seen.

The Jungle Book

WORST

I really need to go to a shaman or witch or whatever. WHO DA HELL TAKES KIDS SO YOUNG to watch movies that CLEARLY are not meant for them????? Of course children get bored because they DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON with a movie set for PG-13. In Shazam! I had to endure the pain of hearing this innocent little child CONSTANTLY ASKING THEIR PARENTS WHAT WAS HE WATCHING! And, to make things worse, this family is SO RESPECTFUL, they decided to make a picnic while watching the god damn movie! That annoying sound of chips breaking inside their annoying little mouths, the constant recounting of the movie in a fairly loud tone so that their kid knew what was going on…. I MEAN! REALLY!!!!!!!!??? I blame the parents… not the child!

Shazam!

BEST

Being young when The Lord of the Rings premiered I was delighted to see that Middle Earth would be, for years to come, my favorite trilogy of all-time. I was 11 years old. I already told this story in another article that you can read here if you want, but The Lord of the Rings is just the most amazing voyage you can make through a screen. I never moved my eyes from the screen for a second, thinking to myself that I want a Samwise Gamgee in my life or wanting to meet Gandalf the Grey because… you know… they are more than awesome! Thrilling action, epic battles, one nightmarish black hooded band of assassins, a tiny ring I would love to have back then… because… who doesn’t?! The Lord of the Rings is one trilogy that rules them all, in fact! Still love that moment and will never forget it.

WORST

I like M. Night Shyamalan, despite all the negativity his latest movies are bringing to his troubled legacy. I love his old classics and I am a huge fan of The Village, despite dividing critics worldwide. However, Mr. Shyamalan, I am really appalled of what you did with Glass. I never got SO ANGRY leaving a movie theater unless being irritated with other people who were watching it alongside me. No… this was because that movie is JUST A BIG PILE OF SHIT! It has NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CREDIBLE! Trying to bring these different stories together just doesn’t add up! It’s like X-Men all over again… I want something new… not this shit. Ugh… I am STILL NOT OVER IT!

Glass Crítica de Cinema

WORST

Dumbo…. Mr. Tim Burton…. once one of my favorite directors… WHAT THE BIG FUCKING HELL WAS THIS… How can someone be so idiotic adapting a movie with such potential and MESSING IT UP THIS BAD! Here we are watching a baby elephant being manipulated and exploited by seemingly “adorable” and “well-intentioned” humans. Forced to fly for humanity’s sense of entertainment so that we can reach the end AND THE END IS THAT ALL ANIMAL CIRCUS ARE OFFICIALLY DEAD! REALLY?????????????????????????? I MEAN WHAT THE BIG FUCK! How can you be such a hypocrite! Who wrote that movie should, literally, go to unemployment! What a last minute epiphany…. just…. WOW!

Dumbo Crítica de Cinema

BEST

Christmas time always meant watching Harry Potter on the big screen of my hometown theater… and oh gosh… Harry Potter is just the best saga there is. I already read the books and was fascinated by the sweetness of the adaptation, filled with dangers, bringing one my few reading delights to the screen with incredible accuracy. Of course the books are better and more detailed, but these were just the right adaptations for them. Never get tired of watching the movies now.

O mundo mágico de Harry Potter regressa ao Porto

WORST

You know… I really don’t mind that couples go on dates to the movies and sharing a few pair of kisses during it but…. listen… why not leave that to the privacy of your own homes and rooms? You know that sound of saliva being exchanged THROUGHOUT A FULL GOD DAMN MOVIE?! Jesus… if you are horny, just go to the bathroom! We clearly don’t need to be reminded that you have just the most noisy fucking saliva in the world. I was with my mother watching this feel-good-comedy She’s The Man and we actually needed to address to the couple politely… can you please just focus a little bit on the movie? You can certainly do that after it and after ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE COULD ENJOY A FREAKIN’ MOVIE WITHOUT HEARING YOUR FUCKING TONGUES DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROATS!

How about your experiences? Can you share some?

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